I’ve been dealing with Narcissism for about twelve years
now. Little did I know it at the time,
but I married into a family who had three members who were extreme Narcissists with enough diagnostic
criteria to match Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or NPD). Once I figured out NPD was actually a thing
and I wasn’t losing my mind, I looked all over the internet for information on
it. As I found websites, blogs,
articles, and people on Twitter who were also dealing with someone who had NPD
in their lives it occurred to me it might be a really good idea to put some of
these resources into a blog post.
Because those of us dealing with NPD people need all the help we can
get. So…here it is. I really hope it’s helpful and please feel
free to add any additional resources in the comments J
Websites
This was the very first website I found on NPD. The author has since transitioned, but a
family member has kept the site up and running bless their heart. This was the first place that let me know I
wasn’t losing my mind in dealing with the N’s in my husband’s family. To this day I know people who go to the site
for affirmation and solace.
This site is for personality disorders and offers forums,
books, links, and maybe most importantly, a section on what to do in an
emergency situation with a person who has a personality disorder.
I set the link for this one on what narcissism is for any
newbies. Great information available
here – definitely check it out.
Online
Communities
This was recommended by a friend who has an N in her
life. Looks like a great community with
resources available.
This community was also recommended by an acquaintance with
an N in her life. Looks like pretty good
stuff!
Online
Articles
Originally I just stuck all the articles up on this post, but
as I found more it occurred to me that it might be helpful to have them a bit
more organized. So here are the
organized online articles:
Tips and
Warnings
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsey-ellison/the-1-secret-on-how-to-en_b_5785616.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-creativity-cure/201408/if-you-are-the-target-narcissistic-abuse
http://thenarcissisticlife.com/games-narcissists-play/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-creativity-cure/201408/if-you-are-the-target-narcissistic-abuse
http://thenarcissisticlife.com/games-narcissists-play/
http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/
Relationships
with a Narcissist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-zen/201502/forget-co-parenting-narcissist-and-do-instead
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/when-your-love-is-not-enough_b_8280968.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/when-your-love-is-not-enough_b_8280968.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201410/12-things-narcissists-think
http://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2016/07/the-narcissists-flying-monkeys/
Gaslighting
http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/gaslit-poem/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=SocialWarfare
https://relationshipedia.me/2015/06/16/the-8-most-common-narc-sadistic-conversation-control-tactics/
http://theearthchild.co.za/gaslighting-as-a-manipulation-tactic-what-it-is-who-does-it-and-why/
https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/happened-friends-were-gaslighted-someone-170000976.html
Blogs
Michelle is hysterically funny and very real. This is a wonderful place to go and visit
when you’re feeling frustrated with the N in your life.
This has become so much more than a blog – you could almost
say it’s become a community for those who have an N in their lives. The blog is written under the pseudonym Jesse
Blayne (anyone who has a Narcissist in their lives will know why this is written under a pseudonym)
and is my very favorite place to go when I’m feeling overwhelmed. Jesse calls us thrivers = survivors of
Narcissism who are thriving. It’s one of
the best feelings to think of yourself that way.
Vlogs
I'll be adding more of these as I come across them. These are video blogs from youtube, so if you'd rather not watch a video then don't click the links.
How to speak to a Narcissist
This vlog has been placed in the top spot because it has an excellent (about 7 minute long) description of narcissistic behavior. This is the first vlog I've seen from Dr. Greg Hamlin, but I'll definitely be checking out more of his stuff.
Signs of Verbal Abuse
This vlog is by Noel McDermott who posts lots of good stuff on Twitter. He gave me permission to post it and I'll be keeping my eye out for any others he puts up.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Here's another one by Noel, which does mention narcissists and gaslighting along with other signs of emotional abuse.
Early Warning Signs
Dr. Craig Malkin is doing a series of videos on Narcissism to help people understand if they're dealing with an extreme narcissist in their lives. This video gives some early warning signs of gaslighting.
Diagnosing Narcissism
Noel explains how he diagnoses narcissism and also mentions the best thing you can do if involved with a narcissist is take care of you because the narcissist will rarely want to seek the help they need.
Saying No, Being Loved
Boundaries are so important in any relationship and this vlog gives some good tips on how to set a boundary and deal with fall out from that.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to set firm boundaries. They are meant to protect our inner selves and values.
Empathy and Codependency
It's important to know there's a difference between these two things. Codependency is a sign of being uncomfortable on your own while empathy is a sign of trying to make another person feel better.
Holidays Rock and Hard Place
This vlog was done by a user on You Tube (Narcissism Survivor) who has lots of videos. This particular one talks about the holidays and how to deal with people who don't understand the dysfunctional family system.
Traumatic Relationships
Dr. Craig Malkin talks about how trauma and dealing with a narcissist go hand in hand. Unfortunately, my experience has been that if you've been emotionally traumatized before it tends to attract narcissists and other toxic people.
When the Golden Child Turns
Talks about the scapegoat and golden child in the household of the Narcissist.
You're not Allowed to Have Feelings
Why does the narcissist not allow you to feel? Have you ever had a discussion with a narcissist and been allowed to express your feelings? I'm not sure I agree that narcissists can't feel, but I do believe they believe their feelings mean more than anyone else's.
Triggers, Up and Down
This is a good discussion of how the most normal things can trigger someone who's dealt with a narcissist. This one also talks about childhood sexual trauma so keep that in mind if that's a trigger for you.
The Narcissist's Cycle of Abuse in 4 steps
This vlog is by the You Tube user Understanding Narcissists and presents a good example of the wrath of the Narcissist and how that follows through. Something that really struck me with this one is the need for the Narcissist to be around someone else.
Adult Children of Narcissists
There are so many issues adult children of narcissists face, and many of them don't even realize their childhood was mired with emotional abuse. Others are in complete denial of there ever being a problem. For those who have realized that just because their parents suck doesn't mean they have to suck - these links are for you.
https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201205/it-s-all-about-me-recovery-adult-children-narcissist
http://mental-health-matters.com/narcissistic-mothers-and-their-children/
http://www.bustle.com/articles/109435-9-signs-you-have-a-toxic-parent
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201508/one-simple-way-protect-yourself-narcissists
Codependency
On the same note as children who grew up with narcissists as parents there are those who developed codependency because of their relationships with a parent. Here are some places to go and get information on codependency.
https://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Codependency.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201412/codependent-or-simply-dependent-what-s-the-big-difference
http://www.whatiscodependency.com/do-you-love-a-narcissist/
http://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships
http://psychcentral.com/lib/codependency-no-more-how-to-recover-from-self-love-deficit-disorder/
Vlogs
I'll be adding more of these as I come across them. These are video blogs from youtube, so if you'd rather not watch a video then don't click the links.
How to speak to a Narcissist
This vlog has been placed in the top spot because it has an excellent (about 7 minute long) description of narcissistic behavior. This is the first vlog I've seen from Dr. Greg Hamlin, but I'll definitely be checking out more of his stuff.
Signs of Verbal Abuse
This vlog is by Noel McDermott who posts lots of good stuff on Twitter. He gave me permission to post it and I'll be keeping my eye out for any others he puts up.
Signs of Emotional Abuse
Here's another one by Noel, which does mention narcissists and gaslighting along with other signs of emotional abuse.
Early Warning Signs
Dr. Craig Malkin is doing a series of videos on Narcissism to help people understand if they're dealing with an extreme narcissist in their lives. This video gives some early warning signs of gaslighting.
Diagnosing Narcissism
Noel explains how he diagnoses narcissism and also mentions the best thing you can do if involved with a narcissist is take care of you because the narcissist will rarely want to seek the help they need.
Saying No, Being Loved
Boundaries are so important in any relationship and this vlog gives some good tips on how to set a boundary and deal with fall out from that.
How to Set Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to set firm boundaries. They are meant to protect our inner selves and values.
Empathy and Codependency
It's important to know there's a difference between these two things. Codependency is a sign of being uncomfortable on your own while empathy is a sign of trying to make another person feel better.
Holidays Rock and Hard Place
This vlog was done by a user on You Tube (Narcissism Survivor) who has lots of videos. This particular one talks about the holidays and how to deal with people who don't understand the dysfunctional family system.
Traumatic Relationships
Dr. Craig Malkin talks about how trauma and dealing with a narcissist go hand in hand. Unfortunately, my experience has been that if you've been emotionally traumatized before it tends to attract narcissists and other toxic people.
When the Golden Child Turns
Talks about the scapegoat and golden child in the household of the Narcissist.
You're not Allowed to Have Feelings
Why does the narcissist not allow you to feel? Have you ever had a discussion with a narcissist and been allowed to express your feelings? I'm not sure I agree that narcissists can't feel, but I do believe they believe their feelings mean more than anyone else's.
Triggers, Up and Down
This is a good discussion of how the most normal things can trigger someone who's dealt with a narcissist. This one also talks about childhood sexual trauma so keep that in mind if that's a trigger for you.
The Narcissist's Cycle of Abuse in 4 steps
This vlog is by the You Tube user Understanding Narcissists and presents a good example of the wrath of the Narcissist and how that follows through. Something that really struck me with this one is the need for the Narcissist to be around someone else.
Adult Children of Narcissists
There are so many issues adult children of narcissists face, and many of them don't even realize their childhood was mired with emotional abuse. Others are in complete denial of there ever being a problem. For those who have realized that just because their parents suck doesn't mean they have to suck - these links are for you.
https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201205/it-s-all-about-me-recovery-adult-children-narcissist
http://mental-health-matters.com/narcissistic-mothers-and-their-children/
http://www.bustle.com/articles/109435-9-signs-you-have-a-toxic-parent
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201508/one-simple-way-protect-yourself-narcissists
Codependency
On the same note as children who grew up with narcissists as parents there are those who developed codependency because of their relationships with a parent. Here are some places to go and get information on codependency.
https://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Codependency.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201412/codependent-or-simply-dependent-what-s-the-big-difference
http://www.whatiscodependency.com/do-you-love-a-narcissist/
http://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships
http://psychcentral.com/lib/codependency-no-more-how-to-recover-from-self-love-deficit-disorder/
Books –
Coming Soon!
There are a couple of books I'll be adding to this section soon. And as with all the other sections I'll keep adding books as I find them.
The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment
by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
This book isn't about NPD per se, but it is about what happens to kids whose parents can't actually take care of them. Most of the situations in here are about abused kids, or kids raised by alcoholics, but what I noticed is these parents have the same inability to empathize with their kids as a narcissistic parent has. So, I'm listing it here because it was helpful to me and I hope it will help others, as well. The actual book review I wrote can be found here.
The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment
by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
This book isn't about NPD per se, but it is about what happens to kids whose parents can't actually take care of them. Most of the situations in here are about abused kids, or kids raised by alcoholics, but what I noticed is these parents have the same inability to empathize with their kids as a narcissistic parent has. So, I'm listing it here because it was helpful to me and I hope it will help others, as well. The actual book review I wrote can be found here.
Other
Stuff
Humor is one of the best methods of dealing with NPD in my personal opinion. So again, in no particular order, are some funny resources:
If anyone wants bigger copies of these please let me know and I can email them to you. The last picture is from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and I would LOVE to have General Armstrong take care of each and every Narcissist I've ever had to deal with.
This idea is hysterically funny when you think of a Narcissist receiving it, but unlike the previous three funnies this one comes with a common sense warning. If you have realized someone in your life is a Narcissist then you have probably been on the receiving end of their rage. While any other person would laugh off getting glitter bombed, a narcissist may very well harass the company until they get the personal information for the individual who slighted them. Read the FAQ section (located via link at the bottom of the website) carefully and seriously consider if the Narcissist is still in your life whether glitter bombing them is worth the havoc that will ensue. With that in mind I give you:
https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/
This idea is hysterically funny when you think of a Narcissist receiving it, but unlike the previous three funnies this one comes with a common sense warning. If you have realized someone in your life is a Narcissist then you have probably been on the receiving end of their rage. While any other person would laugh off getting glitter bombed, a narcissist may very well harass the company until they get the personal information for the individual who slighted them. Read the FAQ section (located via link at the bottom of the website) carefully and seriously consider if the Narcissist is still in your life whether glitter bombing them is worth the havoc that will ensue. With that in mind I give you:
https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/
I'm not going to list any Twitter users because some of us like our privacy, but if you do a search for #NPD it should bring up quite a few of us. Please feel free to join in the discussion, but know that Twitter has a wonderful feature called Block. (Yes we've been trolled by Narcissists on Twitter, too.)
