This post will chronicle the recent events which transpired between the Borg Queen (my NPD MIL) and my family during the kids' Spring Break from school. It will be edited at least three times before posting (trying really hard to keep the grammar issues down) and will hopefully be at least a little bit funny. The title I completely stole from a 2 parter of Kim Possible because it was very appropriate.
Donald had previously ended his counseling prior to this visit as both he and his counselor thought he had accomplished what was needed and he was good to go. That assumption has been usurped by Donald's complete and utter inability to keep any type of self-care going while the BQ was in the same city. The BQ left today and Donald is going to see his counselor in the morning. Thank the Gods.
We didn't realize when plans were made for the BQ to come out during the first part of Spring break that it was also going to be Easter weekend. Even though we're not Christian, we still celebrate the holiday of the Bunny & the candy as well as have an egg hunt because we live in the United States. It's kind of a thing here. Anyhow...I believe it was the first day of the BQ's arrival that she announced her intention to dye eggs. The BQ is no longer allowed to boil eggs in our home because she damn near burned our home down several years ago leaving eggs boiling in a pan for 5 hours. (No I'm not kidding. This actually happened. I have pictures.) So after announcing her intentions she informs Donald we will need another 2 dozen eggs. Yeah. Not happening because it was GROSS outside & we weren't doing an egg hunt in that shit. So I compromised with Donald by telling him I'd get 1 dozen white eggs & we'd dye them & 6 brown eggs. The kids could then use those & some filled plastic eggs for a small indoor egg hunt then we'd do another egg hunt later in the week outside when it wasn't gross. An accord was met and all was good in the kingdom. Until it wasn't. Because while Donald assumed we'd be using regular old egg dye from the store, the BQ had brought this special egg dye she keeps in jars from her house. This shit apparently stains everything. Remember that self-care thing I mentioned before? The resulting mess involved Donald bowing and scraping to his mother while trying to keep the kitchen table from being stained and completely forgetting he was supposed to feed himself lunch. I was upstairs during this debacle because I've made it very clear to Donald that it's in our marriage's best interest (and my sanity) for me to spend as little time with the BQ as possible.
Later the same afternoon Donald decides he needs to vent to someone about the problems he's having with his mother. He chose me (wasn't I the lucky one) as his receiver and proceeded to rant about what she was doing that was driving him mad. I pointed out that him venting to me was a bad idea because I wanted to strangle the woman before he stared and this just gives me more impetus to strangle her. I then pointed out how his self-care was sucking and told him to go back to his counselor. He wanted me to craft him a self-care guide on how to survive his mother. After again pointing out that I wanted to strangle her (I really shouldn't have had to mention this more than once) I told him that was something to talk to his counselor about. Then he ate. All was well once more.
Other fun anecdotes that occurred during this most recent visit was the BQ talking about the stress of her work situation and how one particular colleague was so toxic (her words, not mine.) I had to get up and leave at that point as it was a struggle not to burst out laughing at the irony of the situation.
One last thing I must mention that damn near resulted in the strangulation of said Borg Queen was when she called Donald to come get Lightning because the child had gotten sick. My general rule with the kids is you don't take them with you if you can't/won't take care of them. I get that he threw up, but that little boy cried for 30 minutes after he got back to our house because he wanted to go back to Grandma's hotel. 30 fucking minutes. He passed out after that. From now on the BQ isn't going to get to decide who she wants to take, she's going to get the choice to take Bess one night, and the two boys with one parent the next night. Because all three of my kids deserve love and I'll be damned if I'm going to let the BQ (who is obsessed with Bess & sees her as the daughter she never had) hurt my boys because they're not girls.
We always have the day after effect that to me feels like recovery from a hurricane after the BQ departs. That's where we are now and I'm hoping the remainder of Spring Break isn't as draining as the first part was.
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