Sometimes when you're dealing with someone who has a personality disorder it can be easy to think that you're just imagining things. Especially if that person is high functioning. But. When you begin to notice you're not the only person having problems with a particular individual you then have a behavioral pattern that pertains to more than just you. That behavior pattern also screws with other peoples' lives. And then you know that the problem lies with the individual who is displaying all this wonderfully whacktastic behavior (I'm aware it's not a word, but it's fun ;-)
I have't written about the incident which involved most of Donald's maternal family last summer because I needed some distance from it first. Enough time has passed that I think I can present it with some sarcastic humor rather than just horror.
Donald's cousin was getting married and plans were being made. The bride made the decision that she and her groom would prefer not to have any children at the ceremony because there were lots of small children in the family & they really wanted a quiet ceremony. (As anyone who has children knows, they tend not to be quiet. Ever.) We got a very nice wedding invitation and had picked out the clothes we would wear because we were driving in & we needed clothes that could travel well. Then I got a phone call.
Now, this was a very unexpected phone call. The bride's mother (who is sister to the Borg Queen) was on my phone. She and I get along quite well, but we don't talk often because she loves her sister and I avoid her sister like the plague. It's a difficult relationship but we make the best of it. Anyhow, she's quite frantic on the line and I'm having trouble understanding what's gotten her so upset. The conversation went something like this:
Me - Hello?
D - Jenn? Hi how are you? I need to talk to you about something...
Me - Okay, what's up?
D - We're having a problem with the wedding and I thought the easiest fix would be to call you.
Me - (baffled) Well I'll be happy to help in any way I can...
D - well you know that (bride) doesn't want any kids as the wedding...
Me - Right...
D - well Borg Queen keeps going on and on about how she's bringing the kids to the wedding and she's got clothes picked out for them for the pictures and it doesn't seem to matter what we say to her she just keeps saying she's bringing the kids. And (bride) finally just told me I need to take care of it because they can't have any kids there or the groom's family will be offended
Me - wait...Borg Queen is telling you guys she's bringing OUR kids to the wedding? And she's bought them clothes? She hasn't mentioned ANY of this to us
D - I feel so bad for calling you because I feel guilty, I mean she's my SISTER, but this is my daughter's wedding and I'm not going to let her ruin it.
Me - (silence for a moment) Well we had already made plans to leave the kids with my parents in Lexington (wedding was in Louisville) since kids aren't supposed to be there so it won't be an issue. I'm so sorry you guys have been dealing with this.
D - she's also been complaining about the wedding cake (bride) picked out because she can't stand fondant icing and so she brings it up all the time that the cake is going to be awful. I just don't know what to do!
Me - well she can't do anything about the cake but complain, so (bride) can do whatever she wants. And like I said, the kids won't be an issue. If there's anything else we (meaning Donald and I) can help with please let me know.
D - please don't tell her I talked to you. Thank you so much - we were so worried about this!
There was more to the actual conversation, but there's the gist of it. The thing that really got me was never once did the Borg Queen apologize for putting her family through this. And it was very stressful on the bride, her mother, and the groom's family dealing with the Borg Queen's behavior. So while I have my own problems with her, I always remind myself that I'm not the only one.