Narcissism Resources

I’ve been dealing with Narcissism for about twelve years now.  Little did I know it at the time, but I married into a family who had three members who were extreme Narcissists with enough diagnostic criteria to match Narcissistic Personality Disorder (or NPD).  Once I figured out NPD was actually a thing and I wasn’t losing my mind, I looked all over the internet for information on it.  As I found websites, blogs, articles, and people on Twitter who were also dealing with someone who had NPD in their lives it occurred to me it might be a really good idea to put some of these resources into a blog post.  Because those of us dealing with NPD people need all the help we can get.  So…here it is.  I really hope it’s helpful and please feel free to add any additional resources in the comments J

Websites

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/

This was the very first website I found on NPD.  The author has since transitioned, but a family member has kept the site up and running bless their heart.  This was the first place that let me know I wasn’t losing my mind in dealing with the N’s in my husband’s family.  To this day I know people who go to the site for affirmation and solace.

http://outofthefog.net/

This site is for personality disorders and offers forums, books, links, and maybe most importantly, a section on what to do in an emergency situation with a person who has a personality disorder.

http://thenarcissisticlife.com/what-is-a-narcissist-and-what-is-narcissism/

I set the link for this one on what narcissism is for any newbies.  Great information available here – definitely check it out.

Online Communities

https://onemomsbattle.com/

This was recommended by a friend who has an N in her life.  Looks like a great community with resources available.

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

This community was also recommended by an acquaintance with an N in her life.  Looks like pretty good stuff!

Online Articles

Originally I just stuck all the articles up on this post, but as I found more it occurred to me that it might be helpful to have them a bit more organized.  So here are the organized online articles:

Tips and Warnings

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/virginia-gilbert-mft/what-therapists-dont-tell_b_2622776.html

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-early-warning-signs-youre-with-a-narcissist/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tina-swithin/8-tips-for-dealing-with-a_b_2799069.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lindsey-ellison/the-1-secret-on-how-to-en_b_5785616.html?utm_hp_ref=divorce&ir=Divorce

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-creativity-cure/201408/if-you-are-the-target-narcissistic-abuse

http://thenarcissisticlife.com/games-narcissists-play/

http://thoughtcatalog.com/shahida-arabi/2016/06/20-diversion-tactics-highly-manipulative-narcissists-sociopaths-and-psychopaths-use-to-silence-you/

Relationships with a Narcissist

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-zen/201502/forget-co-parenting-narcissist-and-do-instead

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/when-your-love-is-not-enough_b_8280968.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201206/self-esteem-versus-narcissism

http://www.the-open-mind.com/you-can-never-win-in-a-relationship-with-a-narcissist/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201209/can-narcissists-and-borderlines-have-healthy-relationships

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/spycatcher/201410/12-things-narcissists-think

http://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery-expert/2016/07/the-narcissists-flying-monkeys/


Gaslighting

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/gaslit-poem/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=SocialWarfare

https://relationshipedia.me/2015/06/16/the-8-most-common-narc-sadistic-conversation-control-tactics/

http://theearthchild.co.za/gaslighting-as-a-manipulation-tactic-what-it-is-who-does-it-and-why/

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/happened-friends-were-gaslighted-someone-170000976.html

Blogs

http://www.rubbershoesinhell.com/

Michelle is hysterically funny and very real.  This is a wonderful place to go and visit when you’re feeling frustrated with the N in your life.

http://survivingnarcissism.com/

This has become so much more than a blog – you could almost say it’s become a community for those who have an N in their lives.  The blog is written under the pseudonym Jesse Blayne (anyone who has a Narcissist in their lives will know why this is written under a pseudonym) and is my very favorite place to go when I’m feeling overwhelmed.  Jesse calls us thrivers = survivors of Narcissism who are thriving.  It’s one of the best feelings to think of yourself that way.

Vlogs

I'll be adding more of these as I come across them.  These are video blogs from youtube, so if you'd rather not watch a video then don't click the links.

How to speak to a Narcissist

This vlog has been placed in the top spot because it has an excellent (about 7 minute long) description of narcissistic behavior.  This is the first vlog I've seen from Dr. Greg Hamlin, but I'll definitely be checking out more of his stuff.

Signs of Verbal Abuse

This vlog is by Noel McDermott who posts lots of good stuff on Twitter.  He gave me permission to post it and I'll be keeping my eye out for any others he puts up.

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Here's another one by Noel, which does mention narcissists and gaslighting along with other signs of emotional abuse.

Early Warning Signs

Dr. Craig Malkin is doing a series of videos on Narcissism to help people understand if they're dealing with an extreme narcissist in their lives.  This video gives some early warning signs of gaslighting.

Diagnosing Narcissism

Noel explains how he diagnoses narcissism and also mentions the best thing you can do if involved with a narcissist is take care of you because the narcissist will rarely want to seek the help they need.

Saying No, Being Loved

Boundaries are so important in any relationship and this vlog gives some good tips on how to set a boundary and deal with fall out from that.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to set firm boundaries.  They are meant to protect our inner selves and values.

Empathy and Codependency

It's important to know there's a difference between these two things.  Codependency is a sign of being uncomfortable on your own while empathy is a sign of trying to make another person feel better.

Holidays Rock and Hard Place

This vlog was done by a user on You Tube (Narcissism Survivor) who has lots of videos.  This particular one talks about the holidays and how to deal with people who don't understand the dysfunctional family system.

Traumatic Relationships

Dr. Craig Malkin talks about how trauma and dealing with a narcissist go hand in hand.  Unfortunately, my experience has been that if you've been emotionally traumatized before it tends to attract narcissists and other toxic people.

When the Golden Child Turns

Talks about the scapegoat and golden child in the household of the Narcissist.

You're not Allowed to Have Feelings

Why does the narcissist not allow you to feel?  Have you ever had a discussion with a narcissist and been allowed to express your feelings?  I'm not sure I agree that narcissists can't feel, but I do believe they believe their feelings mean more than anyone else's.

Triggers, Up and Down

This is a good discussion of how the most normal things can trigger someone who's dealt with a narcissist.  This one also talks about childhood sexual trauma so keep that in mind if that's a trigger for you.

The Narcissist's Cycle of Abuse in 4 steps

This vlog is by the You Tube user Understanding Narcissists and presents a good example of the wrath of the Narcissist and how that follows through.  Something that really struck me with this one is the need for the Narcissist to be around someone else.

Adult Children of Narcissists 

There are so many issues adult children of narcissists face, and many of them don't even realize their childhood was mired with emotional abuse.  Others are in complete denial of there ever being a problem.  For those who have realized that just because their parents suck doesn't mean they have to suck - these links are for you.  

https://theinvisiblescar.wordpress.com/2013/04/14/surviving-the-narcissistic-parent-acons-adult-children-of-narcissists/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201205/it-s-all-about-me-recovery-adult-children-narcissist

http://mental-health-matters.com/narcissistic-mothers-and-their-children/

http://www.bustle.com/articles/109435-9-signs-you-have-a-toxic-parent

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201508/one-simple-way-protect-yourself-narcissists

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/6-ways-to-know-you-were-raised-by-narcissists_us_5616b091e4b0082030a18f72

Codependency

On the same note as children who grew up with narcissists as parents there are those who developed codependency because of their relationships with a parent.  Here are some places to go and get information on codependency.

https://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Codependency.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201412/codependent-or-simply-dependent-what-s-the-big-difference

http://www.whatiscodependency.com/do-you-love-a-narcissist/

http://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships

http://psychcentral.com/lib/codependency-no-more-how-to-recover-from-self-love-deficit-disorder/

Books – Coming Soon!

There are a couple of books I'll be adding to this section soon.  And as with all the other sections I'll keep adding books as I find them.

The Narcissistic Family:  Diagnosis and Treatment
by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman



This book isn't about NPD per se, but it is about what happens to kids whose parents can't actually take care of them.  Most of the situations in here are about abused kids, or kids raised by alcoholics, but what I noticed is these parents have the same inability to empathize with their kids as a narcissistic parent has.  So, I'm listing it here because it was helpful to me and I hope it will help others, as well.  The actual book review I wrote can be found here.

Other Stuff

Humor is one of the best methods of dealing with NPD in my personal opinion.  So again, in no particular order, are some funny resources:

If anyone wants bigger copies of these please let me know and I can email them to you.  The last picture is from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood and I would LOVE to have General Armstrong take care of each and every Narcissist I've ever had to deal with.

This idea is hysterically funny when you think of a Narcissist receiving it, but unlike the previous three funnies this one comes with a common sense warning.  If you have realized someone in your life is a Narcissist then you have probably been on the receiving end of their rage.  While any other person would laugh off getting glitter bombed, a narcissist may very well harass the company until they get the personal information for the individual who slighted them.  Read the FAQ section (located via link at the bottom of the website) carefully and seriously consider if the Narcissist is still in your life whether glitter bombing them is worth the havoc that will ensue.  With that in mind I give you:

https://shipyourenemiesglitter.com/

I'm not going to list any Twitter users because some of us like our privacy, but if you do a search for #NPD it should bring up quite a few of us.  Please feel free to join in the discussion, but know that Twitter has a wonderful feature called Block.  (Yes we've been trolled by Narcissists on Twitter, too.)

The Latest Holiday Mess

        I waited until long after the holidays were over to write this because the holidays tend to make me oh so reactive & I tend to not write blogs well in that state.  It’s the insane amount of stress that the holidays induce which makes me such fun person to be around in November and December.  That and the inevitable visit from the least favorite person in my life -> the Sideline Narcissist (otherwise known as my mother-in-law.)

          The irony here is that Donald (actually had to look bag at older blog entries to see what his alt name is hee) Bloody Loves the holidays.  Of course, his contribution to the holidays are usually cooking the turkey and putting up the Christmas tree.  I handle pretty much all of the rest because if it were left to Donald it wouldn’t get done.  (Procrastination does not work well during the holidays.)  So while Donald gets all giddy at the approach of the holidays I pretty much turn into a zombie who tries to feel as little as possible just to get through it.  Yay.

          Anyhow, the inevitable visit occurred as it always does.  And Donald’s anxiety increases as it always does.  And the Sideline Narcissist proceeded to complain about anything and everything in her life because that’s pretty much her modus operandi.  My personal favorite was when she began to talk about her niece referring to her as “Princess ….” and definitely not meaning it in an endearing way.  The kicker was the Sideline Narcissist was obviously jealous of her niece’s relationship with the SN’s sister, but instead of admitting that she painted the niece as being entitled.  (Cue the laughter from those who have ever dealt with a Narcissist.  Cuz this is pretty much their trademark.)  Donald definitely gets points for this next bit as he interrupted her and asked how “Queen Narcissist” (obviously he didn’t call her that, but he did use her first name) would be arranging the visiting times since she was displeased.  It was pretty epic.

          The SN has made several attempts to overtake her niece’s life and it makes me sad that no one in Donald’s family will call her on her shit.  Because of past experience I don’t deal with most of the drama that happens regularly in Donald’s family.  I pretty much just stay as far away from the Sideline Narcissist as possible and educate my kiddos on what are healthy emotional behaviors and those which aren’t. 

          So the holidays are over (Huzzah) but Winter hasn’t left yet and my stupid Seasonal Affective Disorder is in full swing.  Thankfully the depression isn’t as bad as it was last year…it’s the being tired that’s killing me this year.  That and the nerve pain that flares up every Winter.  Also, the Sideline Narcissist is making plans to come out in February.  In my beleaguered state I’m seriously considering getting a hotel room the weekend she’s coming out and giving myself a mini-holiday.  It’ll piss Donald off but I’m finding more and more that I just don’t care.

          On a good note I’m reading a great book called The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron which is giving great insight on so many levels.  It was less than $10 when I purchased it through Amazon, so definitely worth the money.  Also, I’m getting quite a bit of writing accomplished.  So good stuff.  Gotta remember the good stuff when the SAD kicks in and all I want to do is sleep.

Book review: City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare

5 stars for COHF

A Twitter friend and fellow book lover gifted me a copy of this book as I would have had to check it out from the library and she didn’t want me to have to wait (thanks @JennJustReading!)  For personal reasons I put off reading the book for a couple of months after its release.  After the collateral damage in book 3 I was terrified that Magnus was going to get offed.  And that I just couldn’t take, so I put off reading it.  And then one day it just seemed natural to open my Nook and start reading. 

          I’ve read several YA series and so far, this by far has the best overall series ending.  Cassandra Clare has the gift of story weaving and by using this gift she brought characters from the Shadowhunter world together in this book.  It was just beautiful.  Especially because in books 4 & 5 I got really sick of all the drama between Clary and Jace and really just wanted to know what was happening with Magnus, Alec, Izzy, & Simon.  COHF completely made up for all the irritation of books 4 & 5.  There was closure for some story arcs, as well as hope for new story arcs and new characters to love.  Can’t wait for The Dark Artifices to release next year!

Below this line lie SPOILERS.  You have been warned.

          Really have to hand it to Cassie Clare for tying up the Sebastian/Jonathan story arc in such a way that it brought emotional closure for Jocelyn, Luke, Clary, and Jonathan himself.  Did not expect that and it was really touching to see the Jonathan that he could have been if Valentine had not been a narcissistic monster.

          Collateral damage in this book was limited to Raphael, Jordan, and Simon’s memories (which will be discussed below.)  Jordan’s death was shocking to me because so much had gone into his plot, but it definitely fit and was believable.  There’s hope for Maia at the end of the book to find happiness of her own.  Raphael’s death didn’t move me much, I was just grateful it was him rather than Magnus.

          Then we move on to the OMG of Simon and the genius of Cassandra Clare.  As any reader of the series knows Simon had been utterly miserable since becoming a vampire.  The only good thing to come out of it in his mind was Isabelle seemed to take more interest in him.  I really have to wonder about that, because Izzy proved to still be interested in Simon after he was human, but Simon seemed to really think it was the vampiric change that interested her.  I cried when Simon lost his memories and Izzy and Clary lost their connection to him.  (Not as much as when I thought Jem died in CP2 because I SOBBED when I thought Jem died.  Ahem.)  But.  It was just so well done as he now gets to come back as a Shadowhunter and he can still age and be part of his family and do all those things he lamented not being able to do as a vampire.  Yay Simon!

          Jem!  Tessa!  Jessa!  I swear Jem, Tessa, and Magnus had the best freaking lines in the book.  Or perhaps it’s just because they’re my favorite characters in the series.  Also loved the explanation on how Zachariah became Jem again (or as Izzy referred to him – the hot Silent Brother.)  So very much hoping for more Jessa in The Dark Artifices.

          May I bow down to Cassie Clare for creating Magus Bane in the first place and then gifting her readers by having him in all the Shadowhunter books so far?  Thank CC for the growth of Alec or I may have punched through my Nook into his thick skull.  Absolutely loved the way Magnus handled the situations in the book (of course) as well as the benediction to his freaking Demon daddy who ruled Edom.  More Magnus!

          Good things to come in the later Shadowhunter novels.  Emma Carstairs & Julian Blackthorn are going to be great main characters.  Crossing my fingers for more Magnus, Jem, & Tessa, but we shall have to see what the great Cassie Clare gives us.

All the things

Many many things are going on in the weird little world that is my life.  I've begun the first class towards a second master's degree that I don't really want, but I DO want the job I can get with it.  In about 3 weeks Bess is beginning 6th grade, Lightning is going into 1st grade, & Dare will be in kindergarten.  The house we own in New Mexico has been empty sine January 31st, so coming up with an extra $600 a month is JUST A LITTLE BIT STRESSFUL.

On a completely different subject I had a bit of an epiphany a couple of months back.  My mother in law (otherwise known as the bane of my marriage, and the borg queen) had requested to come out & pick up the kids & take them to her house (10 hours away) for two weeks.  And she also wanted to come back out & get them a second time.  Cuz a 10 hour trip is no big deal to her, but 2 out of the 3 kids get car sick and this seems to mean nothing to her.  Anyhow, this all came about after I emailed extended family members to let them know we wouldn't be journeying to KY this summer for budgetary reasons (see above note about stress.)  After blinking a couple of times at my husband's recitation of his mother's wishes, I told him that she wasn't physically capable of caring for all 3 kids by herself for two weeks.  Or even 1 week being that she was 10 hours away & had no access to their medical care since it's through TRICARE & you have to be a military sponsor to access it.  Surprisingly, he agreed with me.  However....he was unable to actually TELL his madre that he didn't think she could care for the kids without anyone else's help.  I spent about 2 months being flat out pissed off at him.  Because these are his kids and he should be putting their health and well-being first.  Then I got tired of being pissed off all the time.  So I sat back and had a mental conversation with myself about my husband and his dysfunctional relationship with his mother.  It went kind of like this:
Okay self, I'm tired of being angry.  What other ways do I have to think about this?  Well...I do have all that fancy counseling knowledge I could pull from.  So...if I had some random dude come in off the street who was having a similar issue what would I tell him?  There's always the reframe method....instead of thinking that the dude won't talk to his mother, we frame it as he can't talk to his mother.  He just never learned how to and was conditioned for years to never question his parental unit.  So...how do you work with that?
And that reframe helped me to not be so damn angry.  I began to suggest different things that the husband might use to address this issue.  While he didn't really use any of them, it helped me to feel more productive and less apt to bean him upside the head.  After talking to his brother (who in true dysfunctional family form didn't think there would be any problem with the 60 something grandmother who has a heart condition looking after 3 very active children for 2 weeks all by herself) the husband finally had a phone conversation with his mother.  He had procrastinated as long as he was allowed to.  We had agreed on a deadline he had to talk to her by or she didn't get the kids.  I have no idea what he actually said to her, but she firmly disagreed with his concern for her ability to take care of the kids and never acknowledged there was a real cause for concern.

So after all that (that particular problem was solved by having the husband go with the borg queen so the kids would survive the week with her) we had to deal with a lack of planning on his mother's part for the month of August.  Everyone else who wanted to spend time with us had already contacted us.  Not his mother.  Cuz why would she want to ever do something like contact the people she was supposed to be visiting and let them know when she'd be out?  NOBODY does that.  :-/  So...after dealing with the latest debacle of finding out she'll be staying at my home in 1.5 weeks cuz she can't afford a hotel, I made a suggestion.  Deadlines work well for the son, so I suggested we use them with the mother.  If she wants to come and visit us, she needs to let us know by the deadline we provide.  Or she doesn't get to visit.  Cuz I'm tired of waiting to see what she's going to do instead of just making normal plans to do things with my family.  And it's stressful waiting on her decision.  So that's the plan from this point forward.  It'll be interesting to see how the follow through goes.

I'll be taking our 11 year old cat Rowan to the vet tonight.  The irony of taking a possibly ailing feline to emergency vet services on #nationalcatday does not escape me.  I'm ready to get off the roller coaster for a bit...

New Urban Fantasy Mythic fiction short

Update
The short has a title now!  Once it's all done it's going to be called "A Feast of Crows" and I'd like to thank my friend @Neptunes_Net for helping me decide on the title.  I'll send you the whole thing once it's all done, Krista :-)

Original
I've been working on a new short story since my car was broken into last month.  Short stories come much easier to me than books as I find it hard to keep the necessary focus on a longer story when constantly running around after 3 gremlins children.  What I'm posting here is about 960 words because posting 1000 would have cut into the next section which is still being revised.  This work does not have a title yet, and I'm not quite sure how long it will be, but any comments would be greatly appreciated.  Once it's finished and I've completed all revisions on it I'll probably enter this one into a short story contest of some sort.

Nobody ever got the description of sitting on the beach just right.  Authors had tried and would keep trying, but nothing could match the experience of actually sitting on the beach on a cool summer morning when the wind was hitting you just right and the sand was just moist enough to feel like heaven against your toes.  Cat Drake stretched luxuriously as the children she had accompanied from the elementary school cavorted in the sand a bit of a ways beside her.  As the local school librarian she enjoyed getting the children into natural conditions while presenting the written word to them.  Today was an ideal day to learn about literature while reveling in all that Nature had to offer.

An uncomfortable ping interrupted Cat’s bliss as she felt something push against one of her wards.  This wasn’t a particularly strong ward, but one that let her know her Jaguar was getting some unwanted attention.  With a disgusted sigh Cat sat up and directed her thought toward the nearest crow.  “Watch and scent whoever is stupid enough to break my ward,” she directed her animal.  A few minutes passed and Cat was unsurprised to find a helpful citizen running towards the group of school-children. 

“Does someone here have a Jaguar?  A man just broke into it!” the helpful someone gasped as they stopped running.

The teachers turned troubled eyes toward Cat as they knew she was the only one in their group who might have a car such as a Jaguar.  She sighed again and began the unwelcome process of dealing with the Thieves of the real world.  Standing up, Cat brushed the sand off her legs and bent to push her shoes back on.  “Thank you so much, I’ll be right there,” she called to the someone who was trying to do a good deed.  Turning, she smiled at the teachers and children she had left her beloved library to be with today and told them she’d see them soon.  Then she began the walk towards a mortal’s payment.

Happily Cat did not have to call the local police herself as two separate helpful citizens had already done so.  There was even a very nice man who had seen the thief who broke into her vehicle for the sole purpose of taking her purse.   The witness offered to stay and give the police officer his statement and description of the thief.  Although she did not require the nice man’s help, Cat accepted so as to have a secondary description of the man who would soon rue the day he had become greedy.  She had already received a description of the robber from her nearest crow and was already tracking him.  But the police need not know this as they would follow their traditional methods of forms and bureaucracy which would inevitably lead them nowhere unless their robber was foolish enough to strike again in the same place.

Cat dutifully followed all the necessary pathways – she called her insurance company to file a claim, she called all her banks to cancel her debit cards, and she made an appointment at the local DMV to get a new driver’s license.  Thankfully most of her credit cards and her passport were at her home, not in her purse.  She finished the last requirement and let out a long sigh as she hung up her phone.  As she glanced around the library where she worked at all the different books she read because she loved to, she thought it had been some time since such an opportunity presented itself.

Because she knew her origins and respected her freedom, Cat called up The Three before beginning anything else.   She ambled back to her office and locked the door before unlocking a small wooden cabinet most people would never notice.  Mortals weren’t meant to notice what was in the cabinet and so most of them didn’t.  Cat reverently pulled out the chalice which served as her method of contacting The Three.  After setting the chalice down on the cloth she also kept in the cabinet, Cat took a deep breath and concentrated.  The chalice filled with liquid and her conduit to The Three opened.

Brigid, the Morrigan, and Flidais listened impassively as she told them what had occurred.  A long look passed between the three of them then Brigid spoke as was often the way when The Three were contacted.  “Has this person broken other human barriers before?  Has he broken any natural laws or harmed any of Nature’s denizens?  If so, then you may judge him as you see fit, but if not, if this is his only transgression, then you must let him pass by Cathbodua.  We wish you well on your hunt, dear child” she added with a warm smile.  Cat thanked them and began her preparations to leave the library. 

First she inhaled and exhaled deeply again to aid in her concentration.   After dismissing the liquid from the chalice, Cat wrapped the chalice in the cloth she kept with it.  She never had to worry about the cloth getting wet as once the chalice emptied there was no residual liquid.  After re-locking the sacred cabinet Cat locked her office door and began turning off all the lights in the library.  As she set the alarm and locked the final door Cat mentally checked the Ward she had set on the library.  It was unharmed and hummed happily as it covered the area above and below the library.  Cat turned and walked briskly to the rental she was using until her Jaguar was driveable.   There was work to be done once she reached her home, and her dragon partner had missed out on a good feeding for quite some time.

Hobbit Fanfiction take two

So I haven't posted on here since the last time I wrote a chapter of my lovely little Hobbit tribute.  Mainly because life has been of the crazier sort lately.  Have been job shopping, home cleaning, consignment shop contributing, tending sick kids, and the list just goes on.  I'll just go ahead and list the first 3 chapters of my little fanfic here and add as it gets done.

Meddling with Middle-Earth

Chapter One

          Kili awoke from a restless sleep to find his leg no longer felt as if lightning was running through it.  He lifted himself up on his elbows and looked around to find himself still in Bard’s home.  Catching Fili’s eye he smiled wanly.  “How long was I out?  I had the strangest dream that Tauriel had come to save me and I said foolish things to her after she healed me.”

          Fili tucked his hands into his armpits and ambled over to where his brother lay on Bard’s table.  “Well the thing is…Tauriel did come.  She came with Legolas and stayed to heal you after Bofur found the herbs she needed.  And you may very well have said the foolish things you think you said to her.  So if I were you I’d think of some very nice way to say thank you as she saved your life, little brother.  Tauriel was there when one of the orcs said the arrow that hit you was poisoned.  You would not have survived without her skill in healing.”  Fili gave Kili a grave look as the younger dwarf wore a look of horrified dismay.  “What did you say to her that was so very foolish?”

          Kili swallowed and replied, “I did not think it could have been her because we left the elves so far way from here.  So I spoke to the girl I thought was standing by my side and spoke of Tauriel as I imagined her, walking in starlight.  I asked if she thought Tauriel could have ever loved me, and probably offended her mightily with those words.”  How in Durin’s name am I supposed to face her again?  We talked of starlight and the Fire Moon before, but elves and dwarves have been enemies for years.  And I go and run my fool mouth off to her in my delirium.  This cannot bode well.

          Fili shot a grim smile toward his younger brother before saying “I don’t think your words are heavy on her mind right now.  Tauriel fears the dragon is on its way here and the fool townspeople have locked Bard away.  She’s gone with Oin, Bofur, and Bard’s children to do what she can to free him as he has the last black arrow that might pierce the beast before Smaug ruins the town.  Can you walk?”

          Kili slowly raised himself into a sitting position and looked around the home of Bard.  “I think I might be able to.  What happened here?”  He gingerly got off the table and Fili put an arm around him to help him to the door.

          “Those orcs from the river came after us looking for Thorin.  When they saw he wasn’t with us they took off after him.  It seems in giving in to the gold sickness our uncle may have helped to save you.  Legolas and Tauriel came to put an end to the orcs, and once Bard is free I’m sure she’ll be off after Legolas.  Last we saw of him he was going after the orc pack by himself.  But before they left to go after Thorin the orcs wrecked Bard’s house, so if we all manage to survive what’s coming, we’ll be needing to help him fix it.”

~~~*~~~

          Bofur stood by the cell Bard was locked in and looked on while Tauriel spoke to the Master and other members of Lake Town regarding her suspicions of  Smaug being on his way to them.  He took in her grace and composure even while one of her fists clenched in frustration.  It appeared that her elven heritage had little impact on these men of Lake Town and they intended to leave Bard in the cage he currently occupied.

          “Did you manage to stash that other black arrow before they nabbed you?”  Bofur asked Bard with a sympathetic smile.   Bard was in a highly anxious state knowing the deadly force of Smaug from his grandfather’s account of the attack on Dale.  He spared a glance for the dwarf before replying “My son hid it after we split.  Why don’t the two of you go and retrieve it and hopefully by the time you’ve got it I’ll be out of this mess and we can prepare Lake Town for the dragon.”

          “Not a bad plan.  I’ll find your lad and we’ll secure the arrow where the Master can’t reach it.  How long do you think we have?”
          Bard shook his head in frustration.  “I don’t know.  They should already be preparing.  If Tauriel can’t get them to release me, you must ask her to get as many as she can to begin watering everything in Lake Town down.  If it’s already soaked it won’t burn.  Every barrel and container without holes needs to be filled to fight off the fire the dragon will bring.”

          Bofur gave a slight bow in Bard’s direction before approaching Tauriel and the men of Lake Town gathered around her.  She turned her head toward him and he gestured for a moment.  Looking toward the Master, Tauriel murmured for a moment alone then walked over to Bofur.  “Yes, master dwarf?” 

          “Bard has asked that we begin to soak as much of the town as possible if the Master refuses to let him out.  His thinking is that if it’s soaked it won’t burn in the dragon’s fire.  He also directed me to search out his boy so we might have our hands on the last black arrow when he does get out.  Seems like a better plan to me than wasting time talking to this lot,” he indicated the Master’s crowd with a nod of his head.

          Tauriel inclined her head at his words and sent a small smile in his direction.  “It is indeed a better plan.  These men are fools.  If you can find the son I will begin to saturate the town with as much help as I can find.”  The two parted ways with Tauriel heading back towards Bard’s home to gather the remaining dwarves and Bard’s daughters.  Her hope was the daughters might rally enough townspeople to their aid to make a small dent in the drenching Bard advised.

~~~*~~~

          Oin and Bard’s daughters intercepted Fili and Kili as the pair walked to the Master’s house.  A small conference was held and the lot of them headed to the Master’s.  Before long they came upon Tauriel and Bofur who were looking for them to pass on Bard’s advice on how to deal with the dragon.  Kili was walking without help by this time and angled himself a bit behind his brother so as to attract less notice.  The perceptive elf noticed his slight movement and enquired as to how his leg was.

          “It is much better now that the poison is gone,” Kili stated after taking a startled breath.  “I owe you a great deal for saving my life,” he began, but was cut off by Tauriel’s wry smile.  “If we live through the dragon’s retaliation you and I can talk of any debt between us.  For now we must ready all we can or my saving you will have been for nothing.  Are you able to run yet, Kili?”

          An answering negative shake of his head was enough and Bofur asked the daughters if they knew of where their brother might be so they could fetch the black arrow for Bard.  They gave the best of his hiding places to the dwarf, and off Bofur went to find Baird and the last hope to slay the dragon.  After another brief discussion Oin, Fili, and the girls began running from home to home asking the Lake Town people to help prepare for the dragon’s onslaught.  “I will join you in a few moments,” Tauriel called after them.  She looked at Kili with some speculation before murmuring, “you may come with me, if you like.  There is one other thing I can do that may help these people more than banging on doors.”

          She turned and headed toward part of Lake Town that was less occupied by the townspeople.  Kili was able to stay a few paces behind her as she shortened her stride to accommodate his injury.  She stopped at a point where there was little around but the lake itself and knelt down on the dock.  Holding a hand out to Kili to keep him from getting too near, she looked down into the water and began speaking in the Elvish tongue.  While Kili stayed out of the arms length she requested, he was curious enough to want to see what was happening.  Edging silently closer to the edge he saw a ripple in the water near Tauriel.  As he stared in that direction Kili thought he saw a face in the water for a few moments, gazing up at Tauriel while she spoke.  His eyes widened and he must have made some noise because those watery eyes glanced over at him before again focusing on Tauriel.  After another few moments the face seemed to vanish and Tauriel took in a deep breath.

          “I have spoken to the Water elementals that live in the lake.  They have a vested interest in keeping this lake wholesome and the filth of a dragon’s destruction would be harmful to them.  They will help in their own way, but they will do little to defend the lives of the people who live here.  Thank you for not crowding me.  The Water folk are shy and would not have come if you had been too close.”

          Kili gazed back at the water where nothing was stirring.  “I thought I saw a face when you were speaking.  I’ve never seen anything like that before.  Are there spirits like this everywhere, or is it just being near you that brings them?”

          Tauriel gracefully rose from her sitting position and began walking back toward the populated areas of Lake Town.  “The elementals are everywhere, but dwarves cannot usually see or hear them.  It may well be that you have a closer connection to the land and water than the other dwarves, Kili.  That the elemental did not leave as soon as it sensed you is very unusual.  But I am learning that you are not like other dwarves I have met.  You notice much more than just gold and jewels where most of your kind does not.  It has been…interesting to meet you,” she continued after a slight pause.  “You have shown me that I may judge your kind too harshly, and that is an unexpected welcome.”

          Kili thought about her words as they continued to walk as quickly as his leg would allow.  “Before we ran into your guard in Mirkwood I had never met an elf.  The stories I had been told painted all of you as enemies of my people and nothing else.  I love my family and my people, but the longer I am on this quest, the more I wonder how much of what we have been told is true.”

          “We can speak more on this should we all survive the dragon,” Tauriel replied with a taut smile.  After this exchange the two began to bang on the doors nearest to them.  Most of the townspeople by this time knew of Smaug’s imminent arrival and were doing all they could to prepare for the fire drake.  Boats were being readied for women and children to cast off in, men were gathering what weapons they had, and everything that could hold water was now holding it.  The only thing left to do was await the arrival of Smaug.

Chapter Two

          In the midst of all the preparations for the dragon’s appearance no one really noticed how much time had passed.  Someone did notice the bright flash of fire at the bottom of the Lonely Mountain and ran screaming about it through LakeTown.  This only galvanized most of the townspeople to work faster with the one exception of the Master.  He, who had been leisurely drinking from a large goblet, slowly set that goblet down and began to raise himself out of the chair he’d been lounging in.

          The townsman who had been running and screaming about the dragon fire was brought to him by some guards.  Unfortunately for the Master the man who was standing before him was not the normal sort of drunkard to make a fuss.  This was a respected tradesman and as such would not be screaming about dragons without having seen something distressing.  After another moment of hearing the normally respectable man screeching about how the town was going to burn, the Master began walking toward Bard’s cell.  He grabbed the key from the guard who had been taunting the bowman and began to unlock the gate himself

          “I never would have believed you about the dragon if you had been the only one to mention it you trouble creating cretin,” the Master snarled to Bard.  “But the fellow in there screaming his fool head off has never caused a moment of trouble for me in Lake Town.  You go with those dwarves and that she-elf and you deal with that beast.  I’m going to be getting into my own boat and getting as far away as I can before it gets here.  Do what you can with the rest of the town so there’s something left for me to tax when I get back.”  And with that Bard was free to track down Bofur, Baird, and the last remaining black arrow.

                                                          ~~~*~~~

          The full moon was a glowing beacon for the dragon’s arrival over Lake Town.  All who had weapons were standing with them at the ready, but most were only hopeful they might survive the attack.  Only Bard’s family, Tauriel, and the dwarves had really thought about the work the townspeople would have to do after the dragon was vanquished.  They had gathered in the best area for the archers’ arrows to make a dent in Smaug’s armor and waited for the chance to hit the beast.  Of the three Tauriel had by far the best eyesight and she saw Smaug before Bard and Kili did. 

          “There,” she murmured as she pointed into the night sky.  Soon after the rest of their party beheld the red fury hurtling toward them.  Shrieks began to be heard as the townspeople saw Smaug as well, but Bard and his companions were as calm as they could be considering their circumstances.  They had devised a plan of sorts where Bard, Tauriel, and Kili would be firing as many well placed arrows as possible into any vulnerable area on the dragon while the others would be standing at the ready with containers of water to squelch the fires. 

          “How will we know if your water friends will be helping us?” Kili asked Tauriel quietly.  He turned slightly to see her reply and was startled to see a slight smile grace her face.

          “Very much like that,” she nodded her head to the outskirts of the town where what looked like nets of glistening water had just sprung out of the lake to cover the closest buildings.  “The elementals have learned to fashion water into new shapes as they observed the fishing community here in Lake Town.  We might get to see the dragon show some surprise over what they’re now capable of.”

          The buildings shook as Smaug let out a bellow when several of what looked like spears made out of water suddenly flew out of the water and came close to hitting his face.  Normally water thrown on a fire drake would do little damage, but this was water woven into shape by elementals, and so it was solid when it hit the dragon.  One spear nearly flew into Smaug’s eye before he flew higher over the lake.  It would be harder for the elementals to hit the dragon now that he knew the spears could hurt him.

          The companions watched as Smaug changed his flight from gliding over the lake to flying much higher above the town.  “I think that’s the only surprise we’re going to get out of him,” Bard observed dryly.  “Those water nets may yet be a help, but most of this fight will have to come from us.  Tauriel, call out if you see anything on that hide of his that our arrows might penetrate.  Kili and I will do the same if we see anything.”  Raising his voice slightly Bard called to the other members of his small group.  “Good luck to the lot of you and may we have good hunting tonight!”

          The dwarves in particular responded to this with gusto.  Fili looked over at Kili and grinned.  If nothing else the dwarves would go out fighting and they would be happy with that as an end.   Then the dragon was overhead and chaos ensued.

                                                          ~~~*~~~

          Smaug made several passes, breathing his fire over as much of the town as he could reach before Tauriel was able to see the spot where a chunk of his natural armor was missing.  The water nets were repelling most of the dragon fire from the buildings as they would hold their form and release them as needed.  Whenever the dragon directed his fire toward a building water nets would be there first, and they would catch the fire and then dissolve back into the lake, quenching the flames as it went.  Smaug was quickly becoming agitated at the little amount of damage he was able to do close to the water and began to fly in toward the center of Lake Town where the water was less plentiful.

          Because they were situated on the outskirts of Lake Town where the tower containing the black arrow launcher was, the archers were having a harder time getting close to Smaug now that he had changed his strategy.  The townspeople in the middle of his rampage were doing their best to douse his flames, but it looked as if that part of the town was doomed to burn.  Tauriel observed how the dragon was flying about, still carefully trying to stay inland as much as possible, but was not able to completely avoid the water.

          “Bard, if the beast were to fly directly over our tower could you hit him in his bare spot with that black arrow?” she enquired with narrowed eyes as she watched Smaug torment the town. 

          “Where is the spot?”  Bard wanted to know.  “My eyes aren’t as keen as yours and we’ve only got the one black arrow left.  Tell me exactly where it is and how big the area is and I’ll let you know if I can hit it.”

          “Under his left wing where it joins with his body there is an area half a meter in length.  A chunk of his armor is missing from it and if you hit him there it may very well be a killing shot.  Do you think you can do it?” she asked again.  Tauriel knew that she could make the shot herself, but she was unfamiliar with the mechanism for the black arrow and knew that using it had great meaning for Bard.  While Kili had been recovering from the poisoning Bard’s daughters had told Tauriel about their great-grandfather Girion and how he had tried to stop Smaug from destroying Dale.  The last black arrow was Bard’s to shoot.

          After considering it, Bard nodded in assent.  “Yes I can hit it if the space is as big as you say.  But how are we going to get the beast to fly toward us?  He’s avoiding the water as much as possible now and we’re situated very close to it.”

          Tauriel smiled grimly before beginning to make her way down from the tower.  “Leave that to me.  I’ll get the fire drake to head your way, bowman.  Make sure you shoot well because it will be the last shot this town has.”

          Bard frowned down at Kili who was watching Tauriel’s descent.  “Do you have any idea what she might be up to?” he asked with some exasperation.

          “I have a fairly good idea what she’s up to, and if that dragon figures it out he will burn her alive.”  Kili looked quickly up at Bard before readying himself to go after Tauriel.  “May Durin guide your arrow, Bard.  And may he keep me from reaching Tauriel before it is too late.  If she is going to the Water folk again and Smaug sees her alone she will not be able to defend herself.  I cannot let her do this alone, not after she saved my life.”  With that he made his way down the tower as quickly as possible and followed Tauriel’s path toward the water.

Chapter Three

        Kili was correct in his assessment of what Tauriel had planned.  She was far enough ahead of him that he could see her quickly make her way to a part of the walkways surrounded by a fair bit of water.  He cast a quick glance upward to track the dragon’s path before moving after Tauriel as quickly as he could.  Surprisingly he found himself able to jog quickly, although his leg was still not up to a full out run yet.

          As he approached Kili was able to make out several watery faces instead of just one as last time.  Tauriel was speaking quickly in what he thought was the Elven tongue and to his astonishment he was able to hear a whisper of language directed back at her.  It was unlike anything he had ever heard and definitely had a liquid sound, but was slippier than any Elvish he had heard spoken.  As he again scanned the skies above to see Smaug take another turn toward more unprotected areas of Lake Town, he saw a figure out of the corner of his eye.  Slowly he turned back toward the water and spied a slight figure standing on top of the water it seemed.  As he gazed at it, the watery figure grinned at him and came closer to where he was standing.  The figure pointed at Kili’s bow and arrow as if asking to see it.

          Glancing first at Tauriel, who was still in deep discussion with the water folk, and then back at the figure, Kili slowly took a step forward and held his weapons out for inspection.  The figure bent over the bow and arrow and then extended its hands.  Before Kili’s eyes a watery arrow formed in those hands, and then the arrow was extended to him.  The water elemental smiled and then pointed upward toward the sky where Smaug had just begun to take notice of the water which was rapidly filling with other elementals.

          “Tauriel,” Kili called softly.  “I may have an idea that could be helpful in getting the dragon where we need him.  Can the elementals understand me at all, or do you need to translate?”

          Startled, Tauriel turned to fully face the dwarf.  She glanced with surprise at the smiling elemental holding the water arrow toward Kili and then looked upward as Smaug bellowed his anger at the apparent meeting taking place.

          “Whatever idea you have must be told quickly, or it won’t matter what it was,” she murmured softly.  “I’ll translate as you tell me, and we may yet have a chance.”

          “The elementals need to be touching water to hold the shape of their creations, yes?”  Kili spoke quickly and gestured with his hands toward the elemental in front of him.  “What if they made small ladders of water in the areas where there is not a lot of water and drove the dragon in the direction of the tower with bows and arrows made of water like this?  They could stand on the ladders and keep the shapes as long as need be, and then let them go like the nets if he got too close.  They’d be back in the water in seconds that way.”

          Keeping her focus between Kili and the sky above, Tauriel relayed the conversation to the water elementals.  The elemental in front of Kili smiled and nodded vigorously at the words she spoke.  After a moment of hearing that strange watery language again, the elementals vanished and began to flow toward the dragon.  Some of them were directing water to the worst fires while others began making the small ladders Kili had devised.  Smaug screamed in anger and surprise when the first barrage of water arrows hit him, and he began to turn in the direction of the tower where he was being driven.

          “Now we just need to get him to fly high enough for Bard to hit him,” mused Kili.  Standing beside him Tauriel nodded thoughtfully.  “I may just have an idea to help that along,” she murmured.  “But we need to talk to the water folk again.  How did you get the young prince to communicate with you?  The two of you seemed to find a way to speak without speaking.”

          Kili thought about how he and the water elemental had understood each other.  “I don’t really know.  I could tell he was curious and I just wanted to try and understand what they were like.  So when he wanted to see my weapons I showed him.  And then I got the idea of the ladders.  Whatever it is you’re thinking of we need to do it quickly.”

~~~*~~~

          Bard narrowed his eyes at the sight before him.  After blinking a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things, the bowman gasped aloud and excitedly called to his comrades “Look!  Look what they’ve done!  We may well see the end of this day after all!”

          The sight the met their dazzled gazes was unlike anything seen before or since in Middle Earth.  The great fire drake Smaug had been driven over the city of Lake Town by water elementals which the townspeople had not known even existed.  Now the dragon was again being driven, but no longer by the meddlesome arrows he had been previously pelted with.  The water had risen up in the shape of a huge fishing net and the water folk held the shape all through the town, no matter how fast Smaug flew.  None had ever seen a dragon flee in fear before this day, but none had ever seen the water rise up to fight a dragon, either.  Smaug was half out of his mind in fear and anger or he would have noticed the tower as he flew madly toward it. 

          Bard hefted the black arrow and guided it into the firing mechanism.  He knew there would only be one chance at this and he wasted no time in sighting and taking the breaths he needed for timing.  As Smaug came screaming into his line of sight, Bard let fly with the black arrow into the spot Tauriel had described.  The resulting shriek by the mortally wounded Smaug would be spoken of for generations to come.  As the fire drake quickly began to flail and fall in the sky, that watery net he had been fleeing came under him and drug him away from Lake Town.

          Smaug was laid to ground away from both the water and Lake Town itself.  Once the water elementals felt the body was far enough away to offer no risk to them, it was unceremoniously dropped.  The thud could be felt far from Lake Town itself and it stirred the wildlife into a frenzy.  The birds flew to see what had happened and from there reported their findings to any who would listen.  There were a surprising number of people who listened to birds that day.  Beorn, Legolas, Thranduill, Balin, and even Radagast who was the furthest away learned of Smaug’s demise this way.